Settle for me
by Fafsernir
Summary: Chandler often watches Monica sleeping. It calms him before he can himself fall asleep. Monica usually achieves a lot in the morning, but since Chandler's been sleeping in her bedroom, she doesn't always want to get up as early as she does.
1. Chapter 1

_I couldn't sleep, and things happened. Trying to warm up writing Mondler again ;) I wanted to post it directly after writing it, so here goes. This is set somewhere in early season 5, I had no specific moment in mind, but I guess right before Joey finds out. _

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Chandler can't resist and kisses Monica's forehead one more time. She barely moves in her sleep, but a small smile tugs at her lips. Chandler answers it without even thinking, even if she can't see him. This is what his life is like, now. Falling asleep after a great round of sex with Monica. Well, that's not all they do. Sometimes, they just talk and laugh. After having sex. Okay, they can't keep their hands off each other, but how can they, when they're finally in a bed, away from the others' eyes? They already spend their day talking and laughing together. And Chandler quite enjoys the sex part, to be honest.

He wouldn't change it for the world. Not just the sex!

He has never felt so intimate with a woman before. He's had sex before, of course, he has given orals, received them too, it's nothing he's never done. And yet, it is. He's never done it with someone he cared so much as he does Monica. She's not just a stunningly beautiful woman that he is very deeply attracted to. She's Monica, she's her best friend, she has been for so many years that he can't even remember a time she wasn't in his life. He can't remember a morning he hasn't spent at her place, eating her food away without an inch of hesitation, along with Joey. And now, he's more than that. More than the best friend that raids her fridge. He gets to spend most nights with her, watching her fall asleep, and waking up to her beautiful face. Because even in the morning, she's beautiful. Sure, her hair looks messy, but it can't be worse than his own, and she's always the most pleasant sight to have in the morning.

If he weren't so deadly afraid of what the words could do to them, he would tell her how much he loves her, how much he wants to spend all his time with her, even more than now, how much he wants her to be happy, with him, how much happier he himself feels since that fateful and blessed night in London. When her lips touched his. It took one kiss for him to realize that he will never be able to be her _friend_ Chandler anymore. Even if they had found lame excuses, for what they had done, then to keep doing it, he had known from the very beginning that he wanted to taste her lips again. He wanted to feel her body under his, over his, around him. He wanted to stare in those deep blue eyes as he entered her. He wanted to feel the intensity between them when they had looked at each other in the eyes while they both had climaxed, and the feeling of finally being at home.

And, for some crazy reason, he can, still to this day, do all these things. For some crazy reason that Chandler cannot explain, Monica is still here. She is sleeping in his arms, and it feels incredibly right.

There is always that fear, deep down, that their magic bubble will pop, that Monica will wake up and realize that he is, after all, Chandler. He is worried that the magic bubble will just be that: an ephemeral period of time during which he and Monica had the most amazing sex ever and shared some deep connection that they can't explain. He is afraid she will realize that she can do so, so much better than him. Everyone knows he has this fear. Well, in the imaginary discussion he has with the group to reassure himself with their voices in his head – he is not crazy – they know that, and they always find words to subdue his worries.

And, sometimes, he looks at Monica, like now, all vulnerable and wishing he could know for sure that she will stay with him. _Settle for me_, he whispers, watching her back rise and fall as she calmly breathes against his chest. He wanted to think it rather than say it aloud, but it just has to be out, even if whispered to her during her sleep. At least he voiced his wish. Because if he definitely thinks that he's not enough for Monica, he just hopes she will still want to be with him, to have lower expectations, and settle for him.

Now that it's out of his system, he can return to peacefully staring at Monica sleeping and her beautiful face, and beautiful lips, and beautiful hair, and beautiful hands and—Chandler realizes just how desperately in love he is with Monica, when he looks at her sleep at night. He always does so. She falls asleep before him, most of the times, and he takes those few quiet minutes to simply take in her beauty, without interruption, and think about them. About what they are, and what he wants them to become. He's not thinking about kids and marriage and promises to always be there for each other, but he always wishes that this will continue. He doesn't dare to think forever, but maybe he wants to think it. Maybe he likes the sound of that.

When he closes his eyes, it's with a newfound calm. Whether it will continue, he doesn't know, or for how long it will, or if she will realize that she can do better, or if he slips and makes a mistake that he can't repair... He doesn't know but, falling asleep with Monica in his arms like this, he doesn't really care anymore.

He'll see. They will see, together.

Chandler has never felt so happy as he does now.


	2. Chapter 2

_Oops, I forgot to post Monica's pov! It's still set around the same period of S5. Thank you for your responses to Chander's pov, I'm glad you liked it! _

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Monica opens her eyes way before the alarm clock is supposed to ring. She always does. Sometimes, it bothers her. She'd gladly stay in bed a bit longer and catch on some sleep. But it never lasts, and she's up and doing something in a few seconds, usually, be it cleaning the kitchen, or the bathroom if she's not the last one to have used it, or preparing breakfast for the whole family she's feeding every day, or going for a run outside on nice days, or ordering her room in a new way, or putting some order in her binders and folders, or shopping for some stuff she suddenly thinks could be useful, or just watching the city coming to life and the sun rise… There is always something to do.

However, since Chandler's been sleeping in her bed, something has changed. She never bothered before. She would go on, doing her usual stuff as her boyfriend at the time would keep on sleeping. There's something about Chandler, though, that makes her stay, just a little bit longer. And it's not just the fact that she has to make sure he's up and out of her bedroom before there is the slightest risk of the others finding out. No, it's more than that. She willingly stays in bed, watching him finish his night. She thinks about how she'll have to wake him up, and how he'll be going to work with very few hours of sleep. But that's the price of keeping their thing secret.

Their thing. Their love, Monica wants to call it, but she doesn't want to scare him off. She tells herself he's not ready for this, but the truth is that she's scared to death of what he will answer, when she tells him. Because she will, eventually. But will he say it back?

She knows he thinks he's not enough, and that she could "do better", whatever that means. She's not sure what's better than the only man who has ever fully understood her, who has been in her life since forever, who knows her more than she herself does, who accepts her even if he has seen her in her worst and most terrible and humiliating moments. If she never thought about being with Chandler in a serious "I will do something about it" way before, it now feels all so natural. Of course, it had to be him. He has to be… she wants to say "the one" but it scares her that he can be. Sure, she has never felt quite so happy, and he seems pretty content too, and she's never been so satisfied when it came to sex, even with men with more experience, but does that mean that everything will work so smoothly forever? What if he's just with her because he hasn't yet found what he is looking for? What if he dumps her when he does? Because he will eventually find it, she knows he will, he deserves it.

They might all joke about his clumsiness in romantic relationship, or his fear of commitment. But the truth is that they're all afraid of commitment, Chandler self-mocks it, and it allows them to make fun of it, while they'd hate for anyone to call out on their own fears. And Monica's scared of commitment. Well, she knows she wants to get married, she knows she will, but it doesn't mean that she's not scared of the process. Meeting someone, falling in love, fearing the other doesn't love her back, or realizing that they want different things. She hopes Chandler wants the same things as she does, and more than anything, that he realizes that she doesn't want a marriage and kids all at once. She can wait. She wants to wait. She's waited enough years to understand that she first needs to meet the right man before getting excited about marriage.

And maybe Chandler's that. Maybe he is the right man, and that's the scariest thought of them all. Because what if she isn't Chandler's right woman? What, then? And it's not like she can tell him that she loves him and back track if it gets too awkward, then run to her friends and vent about how little dignity she has left. No, if she tells him, and he doesn't feel the same way, then she doesn't know what to do. The girls don't even know, so she can't talk to anyone. But even if they knew. She just knows that she can't be back to being friends with Chandler, let alone being best friends – although they still are – because that would just be wrong. If she can't be with him, she's not sure she can bear the thought of seeing him daily, and imagining what could have been. She doesn't want to risk their friendship.

Maybe she should have thought about it earlier, before she threw herself at Chandler, but it had happened, and it had felt way more amazing than in her wildest dream. Chandler is a very attentive lover, and he learns quickly, really quickly, for Monica's greatest pleasure. And she knows for sure that she cannot let him go now. It's too good to be ignored. It's too right to be any other way.

So, if she has to wait before telling him that she loves her, even though she does, she will.

As Chandler grunts in his sleep, Monica shakes her thoughts off and looks at him. He moves only slightly, then seems to be happy with his new position, and continues sleeping. His hair is already a mess – she really doesn't understand how it gets this messy. But then, maybe if she didn't grip them so much when they kiss and have sex, it would look less crazy in the morning. As she's not going to stop that, he'll have to keep being cute with his hair all dishevelled in the morning – because it is cute.

Since Chandler has been sleeping in her bedroom, she has considerably reduced her productivity in the morning. She still gets everything done by the time the first person is here for breakfast, but now she has someone to be with in her mornings. And maybe that's what she's been waiting for. A reason to stay in bed. Sometimes, she still gets up and stretches the time Chandler can spend sleeping as much as possible. She does worry for his lack of sleep, as she keeps him up – no pun intended – most of the night, so she lets him sleep. Well, unless she's feeling a bit horny, which does happen a lot, and proceeds to "accidentally" wake him up and ask for forgiveness in a very convincing way. She's pretty sure he has figured out it never is by accident that she wakes him up, but he always plays along.

Before she wakes him this time, she kisses his cheek, and runs her hand in his hair, that she will soon grip some more, hopefully. She can't believe how happy this small – yet significant – change in her life makes her. It's the most important decision that she ever took, that _they _ever took. And she won't change it for the world.


End file.
